Words could never express how devastated I am today. I woke up in a world without you in it and I did not like it. I don’t know why I thought that it might be easier today. Every second that passes is a second longer that I’ve lived without you and I don’t like it.
I tried to write today, and I failed. I can’t write fun, flirty shit when my heart is in a million pieces. How many times have I joked that I write emotional torture p0rn? Now I’m living it and it is unbearably sad. I want to die, too, because the pain is so bad. I just don’t know how to live in a world without you in it.
My regrets are innumerable. At once, a thousand things I should have done or said came to my mind. None of them are possible because you are gone. We cannot get you back and I don’t know how to cope with that. How do I do this? How does the world keep turning? How are you simply reduced to “Man dies…” in a news headline?
How did I start this weekend with a brother and end it as an only child? How do I pretend that any of this is okay? Nothing will ever be the same again, but I will always love you. RIP Jared.